Types of Love Addicts

As I am myself trying to come out of love addiction I am reading a lot on this subject from various resources on Internet. I have found that on the basis of behavior and tendencies, love addicts and can be categorized into following types:

• Obsessed Love Addicts
• Codependent Love Addicts
• Relationship Addicts
• Narcissistic Love Addicts
• Ambivalent Love Addicts
• Torch Bearers
• Saboteurs
• Seductive Withholders
• Romance Addicts
• Combinations
• Narcissists and Codependents
• Switch-hitting

Description of these different types of love addicts is given below:

Obsessed Love Addicts: Obsessed Love Addicts (OLA’s) are the most common type of love addicts. They cannot let go of someone they love, even if their partner is:

• Unavailable emotionally or sexually
• Afraid to commit
• Unable to communicate
• Unloving
• Distant
• Abusive
• Controlling and dictatorial
• Ego-centric
• Selfish
• Addicted to something outside the relationship (hobbies, drugs, alcohol, sex, someone else, gambling, shopping etc.)

Codependent Love Addicts: Codependent Love Addicts (CLAs) are the most widely found and recognized. They fit a generally standard profile. Majority of them suffer from low self-esteem and have a certain predictable way of feeling, thinking and behaving. This means that from a their feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem, they try desperately to hold on to the people of their addiction to using codependent behavior. This includes enabling, rescuing, caretaking, passive-aggressive controlling, and even accepting neglect or abuse. In general, CLAs will do anything to please and “take care” of their partners in the hope that they will not leave—or that someday they will reciprocate.

The codependent love addict is a perfect example of a personality disorder combined with abnormal behavior. The codependency comes first (separation anxiety/attachment disorder) followed by addictive behavior (desperate attempts to stay in touch with the POA).

Relationship Addicts: There are two types of Relationship Addicts (RA’s).

Type one are RAs who are no longer in love with their partners but they cannot let them go. Generally, they are so unhappy that the relationship is usually affecting their health, spirit and emotional well being. Even if their partner batters them, and they are in danger, they just cannot let go. They are afraid of being alone. They are afraid of change. They do not want to hurt or abandon their partners. This can be described as “I hate you don’t leave me.”

Type two are RAs who are addicted to a relationship with a friend, sibling, parent, child, relative, or anyone with whom they have never had romantic feelings.

Narcissistic Love Addicts: Narcissistic Love Addicts (NLAs) use dominance, seduction and withholding to control their partners. Unlike the codependents, who can accept a lot of discomfort, narcissists won’t put up with anything which interferes with their happiness.

NLAs are self-absorbed and their low self-esteem is masked by their grandiosity. In addition, rather than seeming to obsess about the relationship, NLAs usually seem to be aloof and unconcerned. They do not appear to be addicted at all. Rarely do you even know that NLAs are hooked until you try to leave them. Then they will no longer be aloof and uncaring. They will panic and use anything they can to hold on to the relationship—including violence. Many experts have rejected the idea that narcissists can be love addicts. This may be because they rarely seek treatment. However, if you have ever seen how some narcissists react to perceived or real abandonment, you will realize that they are indeed “hooked.”

Ambivalent Love Addicts: ALAs suffer from avoidant personality disorder. They don’t have a difficult time letting go, they have a hard time moving forward. They desperately crave for love, but at the same time they are terrified of intimacy. This combination is agonizing. Read More...

Combinations: A love addict person may have more than one type of love addiction. Many of these types overlap and combine with other behavioral problems. For example, one may be a codependent, alcoholic love addict. Or a love/relationship addict. The important thing is to identify your own personal profile so you know what you are dealing with.

Take an example, Graham was a love addict, relationship addict, romance addict and sex addict. He was married but did not want to divorce his wife of eighteen years even though he was not in love with her (relationship addiction). His hobby was masturbating to pornography when his wife was not home (sex addiction). He had affairs with many other women simultaneously without his wife finding out. He really cared about each of these women (romance addict). One day he met Katie and fell in love with her. It did not take long before he was obsessed with her. She did not want to be with him because he was married, so he began stalking and harassing her (love addict). Graham finally got into recovery, divorced his wife, gave up the pornography and affairs and married the woman he was obsessed with. In starting days his jealousy was out of control, but after a few years of therapy and self awareness he began to trust his new wife. Because she was mature, well-grounded and had high self esteem, the relationship began to normalize. Today, all of Graham’s addictions are in remission.

Narcissists and Codependents: It is not uncommon for love addicts to end up in relationships with other love addicts. The most usually seen kind of love-addicted couple is, as you might have guessed, the codependent and the narcissist. In the start of the relationship, narcissists are often seductive. After they have hooked their codependent partners, however, they change. Here is an example of a narcissist-codependent relationship.

Switch-hitting: Many love addicts switch-hit due to the reason that they have more than one underlying personality disorder. For example, a relationship addict may play the role of a codependent for years, then finally get out of the relationship and fall in love with someone who is not available. Suddenly, our relationship addict is an obsessed love addict or a torchbearer. Even narcissists switch-hit, believe it or not. For years they can be in one relationship after another, playing the role of the dominant, uncaring partner. However, if they ever fall hard, they can easily convert into a torchbearer or obsessed love addict. If they fall in love with another narcissist then they have no choice but to become the codependent love addict in the relationship because the narcissist will not stand for anything else. Even ambivalent love addicts will start obsessing instead of running away when they are addicted.

Love addicts switch-hit because of separation anxiety. If another kind of behavior is required to placate a partner and to hold on the him or her, the love addict will adopt that behavior. Is it an act? Sometimes . . . but if the love addict has weak personality boundaries, they may really become the other person while under the influence of the addiction. The point here is not to identify all the types of switch-hitting going on, or even to explain it, but to point it out and learn from it.

The Importance of this all
The Importance of All This: If all this seems complicated, it is. And, to be true, the only reason it is important is because it makes a difference when it comes to treatment and recovery. Codependent love addicts, for example, need a boost in self-esteem and self-acceptance. They must learn to think better about their own lives. Narcissistic love addicts, on the other hand, use grandiosity to bolster their low self-esteem and need to come down to earth. They need to learn some humility and how to become unselfish. Ambivalent Love Addicts need to find a healthy relationship and stay engaged in it even when their fear threatens to overwhelm them. Most of all, understanding as much as you can about love addiction will form the basis of your Recovery Program or give you a head start if you opt for psychotherapy.